Faith-Based Alternative Power Generation Program

Republicans have hatched a faith-based alternative to America's energy and health care requirements. They plan to harness prayer power.

Senator Rick Santorum announced today that since all science is clearly the handiwork of Satan, Republicans plan to pass a bill that will ban all science teaching in both public and private schools, including institutions of higher learning. Though not a member of the Senate, House Majority leader Tom DeLay said the bill would pass due to a little known and heretofore unused clause in the No Child Left Behind Act that allows Republican leaders to pass whatever bills they want without regard to regular voting requirements.

Santorum explained that all science classes will be replaced with prayer sessions. Everything that currently seems to require scientific principles to operate will henceforth be operated using the power of faith alone. The Power of Christ will compel lighting, air conditioning, computers, etc., to work, in lieu of so-called "electricity". "For too long, liberal, atheist scientists have held a monopoly on power generation through their belief in so-called 'electricity'," said the Senator. "They have cowed our youth with this religious propaganda for the last time. This time we will not even bother with 'teaching the controversy', but will go straight to the power of prayer!"

The Power of Christ will also compel internal combustion engines to run, enable mobile phone communication (including text messaging), heal the sick, and feed the masses.

Republicans will develop this new power source through a new public corporation. Shares in Power of Christ, LLC, will be available for purchase on the NYSE on October 29, 2005, marking the beginning of the 6th millenium after the Creation of the Universe.